UNBOTHERED ANYWAY

Epilepsy wasn’t on the five-star dining menu. There was no warning next to my Malibu pineapple—my basic millennial girl drink—and I certainly didn’t ask for the neurological chaos that came with it.

But here we are.

Welcome to the shit show. Enjoy the circus.

What wasn’t on the menu? Let me tell you.

The chaos isn’t just the seizures. It’s the entire process.

The different medications. The doses. The trial and error.

The unknown.

And the million-dollar question: WHAT IS THE FUCKING CAUSE?!

Then come the EEGs and hospital stays. Your hair is a disaster, your face is breaking out, and you can’t wash either because you’re connected to a bunch of electrodes that make you look like you’re preparing for an electrocution scene in a prison movie.

Five-star experience. Would not recommend.

But the days that really suck? Those are the days when you have a seizure and have to deal with the aftermath.

Everything could be going perfectly. You’re feeling good, living your life, minding your own business—and then BOOM.

It all comes crashing down.

Suddenly, every question you thought you had made peace with comes rushing back.

Why did this happen? What did I do? What could I have done differently? When is the next one coming?

You can lose yourself in those moments. You can get depressed. You can feel sorry for yourself. And sometimes, you need to let yourself feel all of it.

But eventually, I have to tell myself:

Get the fuck up. Move forward. Live your life.

Be mindful of what you do, but don’t become so afraid of everything that you stop doing anything.

And whatever you do, don’t lose your personality. Don’t lose yourself.

I have absolutely no problem admitting that I am a unique individual.

Do I have a filter? Nope.

Do I have any desire to conform to society? Nope.

Does it matter one bit if someone can’t handle my disorder? NOPE.

We ALL have our problems. Some of it is visible, some of it isn’t. What matters is how we choose to navigate it as individuals.

And as much as I never would have ordered epilepsy off the menu, I can look back and genuinely say my path would have been completely different without it.

I wouldn’t have ended up where I am today.

Are some days tough? Absolutely.

But I have a life I love, people who love me, and a whole lot of things I still want to do.

So I’ll keep showing up as myself—unfiltered, occasionally inappropriate, and probably making a joke when I shouldn’t.

Because epilepsy may have changed my path, but it doesn’t get to take my personality along with it.

I didn’t order this shit. But I’m living anyway.